Moving forward using all my breath: letting go of the past

Moving forward using all my breath. Sometimes that is what I feel like when I am trying to evolve and move forward in my life with people, my life and things in general. Many people are happy staying still. Some people are content staying still. You see, to me.. I think that staying still is very smelly and  stagnant. It’s not like I am unsettled, or feeling anxious.. I am just ever evolving and growing. And, I am in touch with that. I am embracing that. I like change. I welcome change. Change is inevitable. We as human beings change every single day. Some people are not even aware of this phenomenon. But we are growing both physically and emotionally. Yes, we get to a point in our life where we are fully grown, but then we change shape and decline in our stature.

I unfortunately, painfully, am aware of my change. Every day, every moment, every time I fall into the rabbit hole. You see sometimes I feel this is a weakness. However, I know it is a great strength. This awareness is a great strength. I do not call myself a healer. But, I am someone who has been there. I have experienced so many things and I can be supportive and exhibit empathy.  This is one reason I can help inspire people- I am aware of these changes in myself which gives me the strength to share them with other people.

Erik Erikson explains the psychosocial stages of human development. 

We change all of the time whether you like it or not. But, why are relationships so difficult? Well, I can tell you one reason why… we all don’t change at the same time. Sometimes we can change together. But, sometimes someone changes first. We are all on a journey.. but on different speeds. That is what makes life so challenging sometimes.

These past 12 years living in England has brought me on a what might be called a super dooper magic carpet ride. I have made friends. And, lost friends. I have thought friends were my family. But, only found out they were toxic. I believed in others to help me to get through whatever it was I was feeling or not in touch with and that was totally wrong of me. I am sure I have hurt people because I had to move forward. I didn’t like the vibe we were in or they were exhibiting unhealthy behaviors for me and I was ready to move on. Let’s face it. Sometimes being stagnant is boring. It wasn’t easy, but I know it was the best thing for my family and for myself. People were very unkind to me and I had to let that hurt go and walk away from people who were not my ‘tribe’ or even ‘my people’.   I was and am on my own journey and they were only holding me back so I had to let them go. Does this sound familiar? Have you ever experienced something like this?

These changes have been difficult for me as well. It is not easy moving forward with anchors at your feet only to drag you down when you are being pushed up, evolving and inflated up into the Universe. People can be quite jealous and also not happy for you when you are doing so well and working hard. It is such a shame that sometimes we as humans find it difficult to celebrate the small achievements in life eg. being a single parent and kicking ass, getting that raise, going back to school, getting through that tough time, making that move, being kind to someone who doesn’t deserve it, moving on etc.

It is not easy to push on through, break on through to the other side as Jim Morrison would say. You have family that may try to anchor you. You have friends that just do not ‘get’ you. But, it’s evolution that is only sustaining you. You are inevitably evolving and moving forward whether you like it or not; whether you are noticing it or not.

So, if you are evolving what and where will it take you?

I know for me I have always felt that I dance to a different beat to the drum. I have always felt unique and amazing for doing this. However, sometimes when life gets difficult and one gets lost or one is meandering… one may lose faith. It is totally okay to be yourself. It is totally okay to not follow the conformity of society. It is okay to follow your intuition and believe in yourself. Do it! Move forward. Move on. Let the past go. Let limited beliefs go. You are YOU now. You are not that small child anymore. You have moved on. Who is that person that you have grown into?

I guess it is difficult because shedding toxic people is a choice. Telling people how you feel is a choice. They more than likely will not like your response. They are not true friends. They are people who feed off of your energy and your charisma. It is fine to have friends like that, I am not judging. What I am saying is that we often have to make difficult choices to grow. It’s not just as easy as planting the seed and watching it grow. Sometimes we plant the seed and there is a massive hurricane and it doesn’t grow for years.

I have literally cleaned out three bags of clothes this week. I just think to myself, gosh, very gluttonous of me. This week I am ‘clearing’. I am clearing out every single part of my house, closet, loft, cupboard, and patio. It is time to ‘clear’ out and move forward.

That goes for the past. Letting go of EVERYTHING IN THE PAST! It is gone. Shed. I am not looking backwards anymore. Moving forward losing all my breath. The time has come to experience change. And, change wherever it may take me or you will be a positive thing.

I am making the difficult decisions to throw away family heirlooms that I thought once kept me grounded. Gone. I have held on to sentimental things thinking that those objects anchor me. Gone. No longer will I look back. Only forward. Only growth. Moving away from those that judge. Freedom.

What do you think about this? Would you ever do this? Go through all of your things and shed unwanted things in your home? In your life? In your filing cabinet? I challenge you to this! Can you do this? Do you have too much in your house? In your mind? In your heart? In your past?

Learn to breathe and let it all go. Now is the time.

Moving forward using all my breath. I am looking forward to the next few chapters that this #snowmoon has brought to all of us. I am slowly feeling more positive about this clearing out and all is slowly settling. That is the thing about change. Sometimes is creeps up on us when we aren’t looking and sometimes we will it and make the change. Either way let’s embrace it together. Because change is the Universe and the Universe will always provide. But, first believe in yourself. Because you are part of the Universe.

www.brightonwellnesscentre.co.uk
www.onlinetherapyhelps.com

 

Here is to finding ourselves and one another.

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If you could plan life exactly how you would want it- would you?

I wish you could plan life, I really do, but it’s simply not possible. If you remember what you wanted to do and how you felt two, five, even ten years ago, I bet it would be very different from how you feel now. That is why it’s not possible. I am talking about the big things though, not things like where you’re going on holiday next summer.

Life happens. You meet people, get given opportunities, and find out things you never knew before. All of these impact on the interests, priorities, and ultimately the choices we make which then influence what happens in our life. And then there’s aspects of life that can be out of our control, such as our health and other people’s actions.

Even the most organised of people can’t predict the future. This is unfortunate, but perhaps also exciting. Wouldn’t it be dull to know exactly what was going to happen? How would people be able to daydream about what their future would be like and hope that things will be a certain way? Being able to plan such things would make life very tedious and unable to be changed. What a boring life that would be.

*Sarah Keeping is currently undertaking a Counselling Skills course in London and is looking to change her professional subject area to Counselling Psychology. Previous qualifications are in Investigative Psychology, Psychology, Applied Criminology, and Criminology and Sociology. Follow Sarah on twitter at @SKeeping_Psych

Does achieving life milestones make you happier?

‘Life milestones make happiness’
Written by Sarah Keeping

At my 18th birthday party, someone asked me what I wanted from my life and I remember saying, with a big smile on my face that I wanted to be happy. But apparently, this answer was too general. I remember thinking, why? Isn’t this what everyone wants? Should I have said that I wanted to own a Ferrari?

When I was 19, I wrote down on a piece of paper everything I wanted to achieve in my life. For a person who prides herself for being an optimist, owning a house by the time I was 25 was probably a bit too hopeful! The list contained things like, visiting Paris, getting married and being happy. But now I look back and ask myself what actually is happiness? I would say that only you know what happiness is because it’s unique to you; what makes one person happy doesn’t necessary do the same for another person. Back then I think I thought that happiness just happens, just like life. Unfortunately, you have to make things happen in your life, opportunities don’t usually come to you.

In my experience, society has an expectation about what you do in life; you get your qualifications, you get a career, you fall in love, you get married, you have children. But what if that doesn’t happen? And what if you don’t want all of those things to happen? Or in that order? Are you then a failure? Of course not.

I watched an episode of Will and Grace the other day, and Grace (who is a single woman in her late 40s and has no children) was worried about going to a Baby Shower because of how people would perceive her. What was really interesting about this though was when the other women eventually found out about how she felt, they too expressed how they were worried about how she would perceive them as being mothers and nothing else. Even though this was fiction, it reinforced to me that the way we look at ourselves is not necessarily how others see us. As long as we are happy with our lives, that is all that ever matters.

HOW WILL PEOPLE PERCEIVE US IF WE DON’T HAVE CHILDREN AND ARE IN OUR 40’S? 

What we have (or don’t have) in our lives is not put on a scale that shows how well we are doing at life. And if some people think there is such a scale, maybe it says more about them than us.

I would love to know your thoughts on this topic. Do you feel that by accomplishing life milestones you are a happier person?

*Sarah Keeping is currently undertaking a Counselling Skills course in London and is looking to change her professional subject area to Counselling Psychology. Previous qualifications are in Investigative Psychology, Psychology, and Criminology and Sociology.