Author: brightonwellnesscentre

Chartered Counselling Psychologist supporting women and families within the local community. Offering online therapy, face-to-face counselling. Learn to manage depression, anxiety, anger, relationships and more. I offer support with building confidence, balancing lifestyles, Supervision, Medico-legal reports and more.

Do I have an unhealthy relationship with my child: Unhealthy attachments and how anxiety and worry won’t help you

brightonwellnesscentreLeave a comment

If you are someone who is prone to worrying and anxiety then you will understand how stressful it can be when you have children. Do I worry about my children? Sometimes. Do I have anxiety when it comes to my children? Sometimes. But when does it become unhealthy? When does having worry and anxiety mess with the healthy boundaries of you and your child?

Having anxiety is normal. You see, there is good anxiety and then there is bad anxiety. The good anxiety is- how I like to explain it- as a survival skill. If you are a sensitive person and in touch with yourself and other people you will get what I am saying. We as human beings are animals. However, we don’t have the specific form of instinct. We have what is called intuition. And, part of this ‘intuition’ that we as human beings have there lays anxiety. Anxiety can help us stay out of a situation or warn us if there is trouble. Anxiety is part of our make up; everyone has it! However, like anything else there is a spectrum of disorders and a spectrum of personalities that we all endure.

What does anxiety feel like? 

It’s that funny feeling of butterflies in our stomach. It’s that uneasy feeling that something isn’t right. That is how you would describe the good anxiety.

Sometimes when I work with children, I ask them to put a colour on the anxiety that they are feeling. “Where do you feel this funny feeling? What colour is it?” I would ask. This can help children understand what they are actually feeling. And, sometimes…the colour surprises me! I can always relate a colour to a safe feeling or safe object which relieves many children and parents as well.

What is bad anxiety? And, why do I feel bad anxiety?  

The bad anxiety that leads to catastrophic thinking (catastrophising) and unhealthy attachments with our children and our partners, well that is something entirely different. Bad anxiety is an anxiety that gets our knickers in a twist. Bad anxiety stresses us out, makes us shout, increases worry, causes unhealthy attachments with our children and partners, can make us depressed, in some cases make us use drugs and alcohol, can take away concentration in school work and office work and much more.

Bad anxiety or unwanted anxiety (we don’t usually us the word good and bad in a counselling session- it’s usually unhealthy and healthy or desired and undesired behaviour- I am just trying to make a point)- can leave us feeling pretty crappy sometimes. It can leave us feeling isolated and alone. It can also keep you stuck in the house if the anxiety is too overwhelming.

How does anxiety effect unhealthy attachments? 

For those that have anxiety and over-worry it can be quite stressful for the child. Having a parent that over-worries can make the child over think and over-worry, thus not being a risk taker. The child might always question him or herself in everything that they do. They also may manipulate the parent and ‘need’ the parent psychologically when it may not be an age appropriate benchmark. These can then effect future relationships with other people as the child grows and gets older.

You see, attachment starts at the age of 0-2. These years are the most important when it comes to attachment, healthy boundaries and relationships. It’s all connected and quite complex. Loads of psychologists have written and studies about attachment.

The more anxious a parent it the greater risk of having an unhealthy attachment. Do you want to learn more about this fascinating concept? Check out Bowlby’s Attachment Theory!

If you or anyone suffers from anxiety and over-worry and it is effecting your child- The Brighton Wellness Centre in Hove, East Sussex can help. 

This week’s book pick! How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie.

Manifesting Love: How to use the law of attraction to get what you want

brightonwellnesscentreLeave a comment

Have you ever wondered why you always attract the wrong person or people? Have you ever wanted to build a tribe that is kind, loving and like-minded? Well, it’s really quite simple. It starts out using the law of attraction. Manifesting Love is a book about- yes; exactly what it means…manifesting love in your life in a romantic sense. Yes, it does sound gimicky. But, using the law of attraction can and does work. It’s all about trusting the Universe and what it can provide for you.

How can I attract the ‘right’ kind of person? 

It is so easy to say to ourselves- I don’t want this kind of man or I don’t want this kind of woman. I don’t like this in a person and I don’t like this as well.

But, yet we still attract these sort of people in our lives.

Some of you may have read the book The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. What I am going to say is quite similar.

I have had many clients who come in and talk to me about co-dependency and unhealthy relationships. And, I have said similar stuff to them about how to project what they are actually looking for.  You can actually use this technique for many things in life.

  1. Write down everything that you want out of a person or relationship.  You can use a vision board, a list, a notebook or whatever you need visually.
  2. Project or manifest positive qualities, things that you need in your life and things that you want in your life.
  3. Next, focus on those positive qualities. Focus on what you WANT, not what you don’t want.

Using this among other techniques your life will gradually develop into the loving relationship or loving relationships that you are looking for. By using the law of attraction to manifest love, you will ensure that you will no longer have those unwanted, unhealthy relationships that you are tired and sick of.

Relationships will be easier. Relationships won’t be as difficult. Your relationships will be healthy. You not only can manifest love, but also manifest other things that you want or need in your life.

Would you like to learn more about manifesting love or a better career in your life? Then please get in touch with me. I work with people, both men and women on how they can manifest better relationships, a more relaxed work place and a more balanced life. It may take a few sessions to get you on track, but once you do- there is no turning back!

If you are a woman and want to join our Empowering Women’s Network than please click here.  Our Facebook Group is a place where women can big each other up, give advice to others as well as my advice & worksheets/homework once a week.  It’s fun! Come check it out! It’s a place where we as women support each other! There is no jealousy, pettiness or trash talking here- only encouragement, growth and development. 🙂 

How to overcome negativity and manifest positivity in your life

brightonwellnesscentreLeave a comment

Growing up in America we were taught by my parents to work hard and to play hard. My sister, brother and myself grew up having that mentality especially. No matter what obstacles or challenges we faced, we overcame them with our heads’ held high. We worked hard in school and through out our lives while exploring careers. We established social circles that began developing in primary school, continued through out secondary school, university and so on. We are a very social family who isn’t afraid to push up our sleeves, put our heads down and get to work.

Now, some psychologists would explain the causes to such dexterity as a) environmental causes b) personality and/or c) upbringing. I would like to say in my instance it was a little bit of all three. My mother worked two jobs to be able to send us to a really good private school where I met mates that I am still friends with today. Even though I found understanding my emotions difficult while I was growing up and felt isolated from who I was as a person unable to be my authentic self, my personality was strong and stubborn.  My mother once said to me that I had a solid, strong backbone. I remember that compliment bringing tears to my eyes.

Being surrounded by like-minded people, being taught a strong work ethic and having the specific DNA or innate personality has made me who I am today. I am someone who has (no matter what) always been positive and react gracefully when difficulty arises. Now, I am not saying I am perfect. I am only human. I have my ups and my downs as well. However, my innate personality has always been one that of a positive person.

That is why I am going to share with you ways that I have over come challenges and negative thinking and turned them into positive thoughts. I am going to teach you how to overcome negative thoughts and manifest them into positive thoughts in your life.

  • Do you find yourself carrying a dark cloud over your head?
  • Do you get angry and frustrated easily?
  • Do you always look at the glass half empty?

I am going to give you 5 tips on how to flip that thinking and manifest positive thoughts in your head. Using Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and easy worksheets you can change your negative thinking and manifest positive thoughts that will not only change your life, but increase happiness which will bring much more pleasure to your life.

I will give you one tip right now. 

If you find yourself thinking a negative thought take that thought and finish it with a positive statement.  I will give you an example.

  • I can’t speak in front of my colleagues because I might make a mistake when giving my presentation.

You change it like this…

  • I can’t speak in front of my colleagues because I might make a mistake when giving my presentation. However, if I do make a mistake I will correct myself.

or

  • I can’t speak in front of my colleagues because I might make a mistake when giving my presentation. However, if I do make a mistake I will correct myself and jokingly say that I am nervous when I give presentations.

After all, everyone is nervous when having to stand up in front of people talking.

By taking a negative thought and changing it into a positive one can enable you to manifest more positive thoughts giving you one personal solution so that you can live better.

Follow The Brighton Wellness Centre on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram to learn more about how you can overcome negativity and manifest positivity in your life.

Sign up to Empowering Women’s Network to learn more or get in touch with The Brighton Wellness Centre.

It’s never too late to turn your life around!

www.brightonwellnesscentre.co.uk

Want free advice right into your inbox? Sign up to our newsletter today!

 

5 Top Tips to Having a Better Sleep

brightonwellnesscentreLeave a comment

350px-henry_meynell_rheam_-_sleeping_beauty

Tips for better Sleep
by Eleanor Segall

Sleep is well known to be nature’s healing balm, a restorative bodily process. Sleep restores energy, repairs injury or illness, encourages growth and psychological well being and good mood. Good sleep also improves concentration and memory and general performance. Most experts say one should get between 7- 8 hours of sleep per night, however, some will sleep less or more depending on their individual needs. Margaret Thatcher famously only slept a few hours each night, while others need at least 10 hours to function effectively.

_66918496_thatcher-asleep

Conversely, lack of sleep (sleep deprivation) provides the opposite of the positive effects including: poor attention and memory, irritability and mood disturbances, impaired judgement and reaction time and poor physical coordination. Severe sleep deprivation (no sleep for several days/ weeks) causes mental illness including hallucinations, as well as weakening the immune system.

“New parents, especially mothers experience severe sleep deprivation the first few months of having a baby.  This is a shock to the system.” Jessica Valentine from The Brighton Wellness Centre states.

Common sleep problems include taking hours to drop off to sleep, disturbed sleep with frequent waking and inability to stay asleep, waking too early in the morning and general poor quality sleep (restless and disturbed). Indeed too, if one is in physical pain, this can cause one difficulty sleeping.

“Depending on what time you wake in the middle of the night can determine whether you are feeling sad or angry.”

So what can you do to improve your sleep quality?

1) Tackling sleep anxiety

If you have persistent worries and thoughts swirling around your brain  about not being able to sleep eg ‘I will wake up exhausted’, this can lead to even more anxiety and stop you from sleeping. It’s so important to rest and lie as calmly as possible, even if you can’t fall asleep and to challenge those thoughts. Think about other happy things or listen to a relaxation CD which can help calm your body and mind.

2) Prepare your bedroom

Make sure your bedroom is a calm, relaxed place- non cluttered and at the right temperature for optimum sleep. The room should not be too hot or too cold. If you are a light sleeper, invest in some black out blinds or wear a  eye mask to stop the day light waking you. Also, check your mattress as if it is uncomfortable for you it will stop you sleeping.

3) Reducing caffeine, cigarettes and alcohol before bed time

Caffeine is a well known stimulant present in coffee, tea, hot chocolate/ chocolate bars and cola. Experts say it is best not to have any of these things within four hours of bed time, however try replacing it with herbal tea. Caffeine boosts blood flow and will keep you awake.

Herbal remedies and teas that include valerian root, camomile and lavender will help.

Additionally, you should avoid smoking before bed due to the fact that Nicotine is a stimulant and will keep you awake (be careful with nicotine gum and patches, too. Furthermore, despite the fact that Alcohol can make you feel sleepy at first, it disturbs your bodies sleep cycle and so best to avoid it. Often, sugars in red wine can induce middle of the night waking.

4) Body Clock- consistency

Sleep experts say that it is important to set your internal body clock to go to bed at the same time and get up at the same time each day. Napping to make up for sleep regularly is not good for your body clock, so see if you can keep consistency with your sleep cycle. This is also extremely important if you have mental health concerns- to get good quality sleep.

5) Pre- Sleep routine

Make sure you use the hour before bed to unwind from technology (no phones or tablets, as the blue light stimulates the brain), have a warm bath, drink a milky drink, do a calming meditation or listen to relaxing music, journal if you are anxious and then put it away. You can even add drops of lavender oil or spray to your pillow to help you relax and prepare for sleep.

If you are having regular problems with sleep and want to discuss it with a professional, speak to Jessica at Brighton Wellness Centre today.

Does Skunk Cannabis Cause Psychosis: Causes and symptoms from smoking skunk marijuana.

brightonwellnesscentreLeave a comment

Skunk and Psychosis: Does Strong Cannabis cause psychosis and what are the symptoms?
by: Eleanor Segall

It has been known for quite some time that smoking ‘Weed’, Cannabis can cause all kinds of effects. Whilst many are seen to be positive- calming you, helping you ‘chill out’ there are some more harmful and sinister effects of a particular strain of Cannabis known as ‘Skunk’.

What is ‘Skunk’?

Skunk is a high potency strain of cannabis which is known for both its strength and pungent smell. It has increased in volume on the street over the past few decades and many smoke it due to its strength. Some also smoke it unaware that its side effects are far more dangerous than conventional cannabis.
isskunkweedbadforyou

If smoked daily or regularly, the Skunk strain of cannabis can cause psychosis in the brain- meaning one may suffer from delusions, hallucinations, extreme anxiety and paranoia, sleeplessness or hear voices and become quite unwell. This is due to the high amount of chemical present in the drug- Skunk contains more THC- the main  psychoactive ingredient than other types.

Hashish (which is cannabis resin) contains substantial qualities of another chemical- Cannabidol (CBD). NHS Research suggests that the CBD acts as an antidote to the THC, counteracting psychotic side effects. In Skunk strain of cannabis there is far less Cannabidol, meaning that the brain can be triggered more easily into a psychotic state. There is also research suggesting that less potent strains of cannabis, if smoked daily, can trigger mental illness although this is less known than Skunk cannabis.

The NHS have stated in their research from 2015, that ‘Skunk like cannabis increases risk of psychosis, study suggests’ (2015, NHS). They also go on to say that ‘the use of high potency cannabis was associated with a far greater increase in risk’.

Due to the increase in psychotic symptoms from those men and women regularly smoking Skunk cannabis, a medical study was undertaken in the UK. As the NHS and BBC reported,

‘The study compared cannabis use patterns among 410 people from South London who attended hospital with a first episode of psychosis and 370 people from the general public without the condition…

It found that the daily use of cannabis was associated with a greater increase in risk of psychosis and use of high potency cannabis associated with a greater increase in risk.  Smoking potent cannabis was linked to 24% of new psychosis cases analysed in a study by Kings College London Institute of Psychiatry, Psychology and Neuroscience …

The research suggests the risk of psychosis is three times higher for users of potent skunk like cannabis than for non users.’

Following on from  this, many former Skunk users have commented on their own psychotic symptoms after smoking it daily or regularly. It is shown that major changes in the brain occur when Skunk is smoked regularly and it can take years for people with skunk induced psychosis to recover fully. The study above was funded by the Maudsley Hospital Charitable fund and published in the medical journal ‘The British Journal of Psychiatry’.

It found that young men were more at risk- the study found most were young between 25- 30 and most were men with a high proportion of unemployment.

So what can you do if you are worried about someone you know who may be presenting with addiction to Skunk or psychotic symptoms?

Firstly, if someone is addicted to Skunk or cannabis and smoking it daily, but wants help to stop, they may need to get some support to stop smoking as much- whether that’s through a specialist Doctor or Rehab unit and initially referred through their GP.

If  they are exhibiting psychotic symptoms and in a crisis situation it is key to get the local Crisis team or psychiatry involved as if they are severely unwell, they may need a short or long hospital stay.

There are many addiction charities and groups out there that can support you and the addict and these are worth exploring. If someone does not want help and you can’t convince them to stop smoking (and they aren’t psychotic), it can be difficult as you may have to wait until crisis point.

If you need to discuss these issues, do speak to Drug addiction charities, doctors/therapists or helplines and make sure you get the support you and your friend/ family member need.

Jessica at Brighton Wellness Centre is a therapist who deals with addiction issues. For more information, please do contact her via the website www.brightonwellnesscentre.co.uk or email jessica@brightonwellnesscentre.co.uk.

Disney Disorder

brightonwellnesscentreLeave a comment

The Soapbox

Untitled

Being 20 I still enjoy watching Disney Movies. Recently I came to realization that a lot of Disney movie’s protagonist characters are associated with disorders. Surprised?  I was too !

I have personally grown up watching  Cinderella story, I loved and admired the story line which had the knight in shining armor that would come riding along and sweep the princess feet and on to a happily ever after .

View original post 694 more words

Clearing out the clutter in your life: Be the change you want to be.

brightonwellnesscentreLeave a comment

Making changes in one’s life isn’t easy.  It’s not easy to stop habits such as eating too much, smoking, drinking too much, shopping, spending or whatever thing you do in utter excess.  But, how can we stop the ups and downs of the addiction see-saw?

When I was younger and at university our professors taught us that the only way to kick a bad habit was to quit it ‘cold turkey.’  This method works, but you need to have will-power and discipline.  I have this…if I set my mind to do something- I will do it! (that’s self-affirmation by the way!) You need to be willing to work throuhelpmechangemylifegh the fear and like Nike’s slogan boasts- just do it!

However, I am sitting here drinking my second cup of coffee wondering if I poured myself a third cup would I be classified in the DSM-V as having ‘three out of five symptoms’ of having a coffee addiction.  I think that sometimes quitting cold turkey isn’t always easy as it sounds.

If cutting an excessive habit ‘cold turkey’ were easy, everyone would do it.  And, if obtaining balance of eating and drinking were easy there would be no diets, no Facebook quotes on how to obtain a balanced diet, and I wouldn’t be sitting here reflecting on how to obtain balance in the crazy world of eating, drinking and partying.

But how do we obtain balance in our life?  How do we kick the bad habits, move forward, and become healthier, stronger, and happier?

The question you need to ask yourself is this…do you want change in your life? If you do…then make it!  But how? Be the change you want to be.  Start by de-cluttering your life.

De-clutter your mind, your room, your house, your friends, and/or whatever it is you think you need to de-clutter in order to take the next step of moving forward with your life.

You’ve read about toxic people- get rid of them.  You are a hoarder and you have too much dusty ornaments- clear it out- take that bric-a-brac to your local charity.  Just do it! You want to quit smoking- clear out everything in the house that reminds you of smoking.  You think you drink too much- don’t have booze in the house.  Crisps are your Achilles tendon- don’t buy them.

Changing things immediately in your life, clearing out the clutter and de-cluttering your life will help you make those life changes you want to make.

You can do anything you set your mind to if you really WANT to make changes in your life- do it!

If these simple tasks don’t seem so simple then you need to take it to the next level…finding out what makes you have these addictions.  Are you filling a void in your life?  Are you depressed?  Are you lonely?  Did you have a crappy childhood?  Do you suffer from anxiety?  Are you stuck in the actual cycle of addiction?  Do you have a rubber arm (my friends say this about me)? Whatever your ‘bag’ is there is a solution.  Every cycle can be broken.  It is up to you though to start the process.

 

The impact of divorce: is it contagious?

brightonwellnesscentreLeave a comment

Can divorce be contagious? If my girlfriends are leaving their husbands should I?  What if my husband’s mates are all single?  Will he want to be single, too? Divorce can

be a very moot word.  It can bring an enormous amount of uneasiness when spoken about in certain circles.  But, why is there a negative stigma when it comes to divorce?

We have lived in a society where people get married, they have children and then they stay together until ‘death do we part.’  The 21st Century has presented us with different options.  As divorce rates grow so do our families.  Our families are growing with step-children and step-parents as well as co-parenting responsibilities.  But, with the 2st Century and its ideals why do we still cringe when we hear that someone is getting a divorce?

Someone came up to me the other day and said, “I had no idea you were divorced.  I am really sorry.  I didn’t know.”

I responded with probably a very unusual response according to society’s majority with ‘that’s okay- I have never been happier!’

I guess everyone has different views about divorce especially if children are involved.  I think that is really the worst part of divorce- if children are involved.  All children want is their families to be in one place at one time.  Even though children are very resilient and can cope with change sometimes easier than adults, they still want a family unit.

Is that the reason why we cringe when we hear someone is getting a divorce- if children are involved?  ‘Oh, those poor children.’  ‘But what about the children!’

Psychologists have proven that it is healthier to separate than to argue in front of children.  It is not healthy for children to grow up in a hostile, angry and an unbalanced environment.  Children can also sense when there is a coldness in the room.  Even if a couple ignores and avoids each other it is an unhealthy environment for the children as well as the couple.  Children learn and model everything.  If love and friendship is not present in a couple’s relationship the children WILL be effected.  It will effect them with their interpersonal relationships both same sex and opposite sex patterns.

The impact of divorce on a family unit should not go amiss.  Divorce effects everyone differently.  And, there are many reasons why people get a divorce.  Sometimes it is a healthy choice for your children when separating from a toxic person.  Perhaps someone in the family doesn’t take the parenting role seriously.  For whatever the reason, I do not think we should judge people for having to go through something traumatic and stressful such as divorce.  Whether or not children are involved divorce is still stressful.

Hopefully we will realise why the divorce rates have gone up drastically.  Perhaps we should reconsider how we got into the relationship in the first place.  Co-dependent relationships often take us on the journey down the road to divorce.

Divorce is not catchy, nor is it a toxic plague.  Divorce is a break-free clause that is given to married folk who need a get out of jail card… literally.  Some choose to break free and some people are thrown into it without choice.  Whether you choose to leave your partner or your partner took it upon himself to leave you- it still hurts.

If you or anyone you know needs support please contact us.  We have plenty of counsellors who have experience with couples counselling and divorce support.

A Royal Story: The importance of mental health

brightonwellnesscentreLeave a comment

Often we ignore the importance of mental health our mental health without realizing how it can be the sole cause of our lack of motivation towards daily life interests.  Mental health governs your entire state of wellness.  It enhances our physical health, increases productivity, helps in countering problems like depression and anxiety, and leads us to a healthy living.  A significant rise in depression in men has been seen lately which is mainly attributed to prolonged state of stress. These psychological problems can actually lead to physical issues like heart disease, hypertension, compromise on the immune system, and ulcers.

mentalhealthheadstogether

The need of the hour is to generate awareness about the importance of mental health.  Fortunately, projects like Heads Together are working tirelessly to help us comfortably engage with each other. This facilitates us to understand how similar problems do we face and how we can easily handle them together.  The Kensington Royal Family is playing a significant role in promoting the cause of such projects.  There are seven charity partners that the Royal Family works with and Young Minds is notable in this regard.

The eradication of depression and psychological stress can change the entire perspective of how we look at things in life.  This change in perspective can lead to mental wellbeing and make us highly productive.  It is to be noted that not only does the young generation suffer from psychological issues, but adults are equally affected by these conditions.  Once we put an end to the stigma around mental health, we can put an end to the exponentially rising anxiety states once and for all and thus transform our society into a much better place.