Hello! It is me, I have been living with you for a while, but you do not know me yet. After all this time, I decided to introduce myself, I think it is necessary, so you could understand what is happening in a better way. Sometimes I hear you asking yourself why you are feeling these emotions, since I can see you aren’t having a good time with me. Some nights you can’t sleep because of me and during the day you feel nervous, angry, tired. I come out in different ways: negative thoughts, anger, sadness, irritability, worries and fears. You can’t really live your life as well as you want. The only thing you can think is “I don’t deserve this”, and I know, I understand you, my presence is not comfortable at all. I have been with you for a long time, sometimes you realize my presence, but you don’t give it importance, maybe it is because you are tired or there are just too many things to do. There is an answer for everything. The sole idea that it is me, scares you.
Everything was worst two weeks ago, when you were walking on the street, back from the job. It was a hard day but not too different to another normal day at the job: some appointments, emails to respond, everything was normal, you were walking on the same road as every day. Suddenly, you realized that something was wrong, everything was happening very fast. Your body was paralyzed, your heartbeat was increasing, and you felt that you didn’t have enough air to breathe; you felt a pain in your arms, sickness and you wanted to vomit. It was just a few seconds that felt like hours, you were desperate. The thought about death scared you even more, you were sure you were dying and you couldn’t do anything. After this, you stayed calm and then you started to walk again. You were calm, but in your mind the fear was bigger than before, the fear of feeling that again. Since that day you haven’t stopped thinking about it, you can’t sleep and when you finally fall asleep, you have nightmares or you wake up in the middle of the night, you have not slept well. The fear goes with you everywhere, you are afraid of feeling again what you felt two weeks ago and you do everything possible to take control and be able to feel safe, but inside you, you know you are very afraid. No, you are not crazy, even if you think it. I know two weeks ago, when everything was out of control you thought you would go crazy, but trust me, you are not. That is why I am here, because it’s time you know who I am.
My name is Anxiety. I know, my name isn’t cool, some people get scared just to hear it. In the last years I have appeared more frequently than before, maybe it is because of today’s busy lifestyles, people are doing something all time, people think more in doing than in being. Although each time I am more popular, people don’t know much about me. I used to be confused with fear, anguish or panic, or sometimes with being extremely nervous.
As I told you before, I understand why my presence isn’t comfortable. You know better than anyone else, how it feels living with me. But remember, you are not crazy, you have anxiety. Why am I here? I don’t know, I can appear because of many reasons. What happened to you two weeks ago was a panic attack and it is another of my symptoms, it is part of me. It is a reaction to fear, but amplified. As you know, the symptoms are very uncomfortable: trembling, sweating, difficulty breathing, tightness in the chest, depersonalisation. Have you noticed that not one of them is craziness? I am not craziness, even if you think it. For me it is very important to tell you this, because I know the thing that scare you the most is going crazy.
Please breathe, stay here, in the present. I need you to stay here. If you go away with your thoughts, I can become stronger. Thoughts are the main reason why I am here. I am not saying it is the only one, but I think it is one of the most important. Maybe I am trying to tell you something about you, maybe it could help to listen to yourself, to take a moment to look within you. Please be kind with yourself, with your needs, with your feelings. It isn’t your fault, but you can work on it. I am not a monster, even if I seem like one.
Now you know more about me, and probably more about you.
What do you think about it?
If you want to know more about Anxiety or believe that you have any symptoms, please contact us.
Citlalli Degollado is Gestalt Psychotherapist. She works with adults and couples. Currently she lives in Brighton, and she is a psychotherapist to Spanish people.
Citlalli Degollado es Psicoterapeuta Gestalt. Trabaja con adultos y parejas. Actualmente vive en Brighton y brinda terapia a hispanohablantes.