I provide counselling support for people who are having a difficult time managing anxiety, depression, trauma, work related stress, those that self- harm and other mental health conditions.
I am a Chartered Counselling Psychologist who supports women, men and families in Brighton and Hove, East Sussex. I also provide an online therapy platform so that I can support people globally.
“I work with people who suffer from anxiety, have trouble sleeping or get stressed easily- there are many manifestations of stress and anxiety.”
“I work with people who have high stress at work and want to manage their work day, home life and create a more balanced lifestyle.”
“I work with people who feel down sometimes, but also who have severe depression and can’t seem to get over things quickly.”
“I work with people who would like to explore their sense of self, who they are and how they can become their greatest self.”
Would you like to learn how you can be more positive, happier in life and achieve goals to improve confidence? You don’t have to speak to a therapist just because you are in a crisis. Many people seek counselling to explore their sense of self, to explore existentialism, to reduce stress and to achieve more of a balanced life.
Using Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT), Psychotherapy and/or Talk Therapy, together we can manage issues such as:
As Autumn approaches, the big dark hairy spiders come out to play, and the rain always surprises us with an unannounced call (more than once)… I am reflecting on what I did and did not accomplish this past year. After all, this is the Harvest. This is the time of year where we plant seeds and daffodil bulbs to when harvested will remind us that Spring and a fresh start is nearer.
Reflecting on this past year, I did a lot of ‘holding on’ and ‘hanging in there.’ It wasn’t the most eventful of years. However, I moved into a new house which is lovely, shed more people who didn’t have my best interest at heart, waited one long year for a hernia re-constructive repair surgery, and lost one more year of not seeing my family in America. I would say that there were some good things that happened and some mundane things as well. Kind of like how it’s raining profusely at an angle outside my window right now and simultaneously the sun is shining. Sometimes life does not make any sense. I do, however, choose to notice the sun in these certain circumstances.
It’s a funny phrase, ‘hang in there’ isn’t it? It’s like saying… I don’t know when all this shit is going to end, but it eventually will or it may not. If it doesn’t you potentially might just drop off the tree branch you are hanging onto. You will fall, break your legs, potentially your neck… and then it will be a complete disaster. But, but keep holding on… it will be fine. It’s kind of like when people respond to you with the phrase ‘fair enough.’ What in the hell does that actually mean? Does that mean, you don’t care? you don’t have an opinion? you are daft? Does it mean the same things as ‘whatever’? I personally think that even that particular phrase is the most emotionally detached comment anyone can say to a human being.
There is nothing more than I can’t stand than having this attitude of ‘hanging in there.’ It’s malarkey. I want solutions. I want to know what to do when I am knee-deep in it. I want support when I am hanging from that tree branch, I want people to say, ‘hey, Jess… we got this or YOU got this… or I hear you, this happened to me, or I know what to do when this happens.’ I need someone to show me or tell me that there is hope. That things will get better, things will change and challenge and provoke me to ask myself- what am I going to do to make things change if it’s within my power to make it change. Not just say… hang in there, fair enough or just look at me and nod. Lack of connections is very frustrating for me and can be quite lonely at times. Some people just don’t get it.
I met this guy on the train recently. We spoke. We connected. We exchanged details. He was a psychology student. A few months later he asked if I could assess him. Our texted went back and forth like a ping pong on a flat green table. He finally disclosed he was using drugs to self medicate. I told him I would go to a 12 step meeting with him if he wanted me to. He was shocked. He said why would you do that we only have met once. I jokingly replied ‘I am a legand.’ He said ‘that you are.’ However, jokingly aside… I said this is what humans are supposed to be doing. Being kind, helping one another. Being humane. Hence why we are technically classified this way. Plus, this person has great potential to change the future. And, this is how I see it. Sometimes when we have minds that are ahead of the normative it can feel quite overwhelming. This overwhelming feeling is often felt by people who are neurodiverse, artists, empaths, and healers. It is a feeling that is in intense because we often absorb other people’s energy and emotions. It can be difficult to shield and protect ourselves. This again is something this psychology student and I discussed. How if you look closely you can see people’s energy. I again would rather have these conversations then that of a so-called friend randomly texting me if I am doing alright and then ghosting me after they have read my response- IF they have even read my response.
Life is too short not to have deep connections. That is one thing I learned this year. I also learned that like the rain outside my large bay window that continues to dance upon the slick pavement sideways and while the sun intermittingly pops by to say hello, you can have plenty of crappy times simultaneously with the good times, too. It’s not something that I was made aware of when I was younger. I never struggled as an adult when I was living on the East Coast in America. It has only been difficult since moving here within the UK have I really saw negativity and unkindness and racism towards me. It hasn’t been easy at all I must say. Plus, I was having far too good of a time in the states to notice anything bad happening in my life. But, as you get older and sober… have children, do things on your own, no family support, single parenting, in a foreign country where I am the foreigner and on top of the desperate, dark, wet weather… there is Harvest. Harvest time or pumpkin time is a time where we can begin a new.
Now is the time to plan for next year. What am I going to do? What are YOU going to do? What bulbs will you be planting this Autumn? What thoughts will you be congregating? What kind of vibrations will you be standing next to? How will you grow if you want to grow? What will you change in your life to make you happier? Now I will reflect upon these questions as well. Time to bed down and make preparations. Do you grow? Do you study something new? Do you change your job or make the most of your job? Will you help others more? Will you howl at the moon more? Laugh more? Go on more adventures? Look after the homeless? Fall in love? Fall out of love? What seeds will you be planting during this Harvest?
So, it has been 18 days since I have had an alcohol drink. I haven’t had a beer with friends in the sun on the beach, no white wine spritzers if you know me so well, no extra dirty martini when I am feeling cheeky, no tequila chasers with lime, or red wine to warm my bones when it’s rainy and I am sitting all alone under the Habitat blanket watching The Bachelorette on ITV.
What has brought me to this conscious decision? I have been reflecting a lot on where I am going on this journey called life. I have created a wonderful life for myself and my children here in the UK. I don’t get to see my family, I have no support here and I do most of the parenting and raising my children on my own both emotionally and financially. At times in my life I have tried to escape this reality. I would numb the feelings of homesickness and failure with my favourite Beaujolais. I would be having such a great time with friends and going on adventures in ‘the city’ that I would never want to sleep. When reflecting upon my past and how I have made most of my friends I would say that other than the friends I made in school and childhood, I had an extensive range of friends worldly that I have met out socially drinking while travelling. I am still friends with the motley crue after all, my journey and who I have crossed paths with have shaped me into the person that I am today.
Many of my friends do not have children and can live spontaneous and hedonistically as and when they please. I was able to be just like those friends before I had children. However, I was always someone who wanted to be different. I wanted to be the kind of parent that was married, had a consistent job, travelled and had family all around me. Unfortunately, I jumped head first and moved to the UK where life has taken me on a magic carpet ride.
At the darkest times I I always felt if I can’t beat them- join them. After all, #YOLO! People who drink surround themselves with people who drink. People who party surround themselves with people who party. Well, I used to be that party girl. I guess I still am that party girl at heart. But now, I am someone who has become very mindful of how drinking alcohol isn’t serving me. Having one glass of wine, leads to two and then the bottle is empty. A friend brings a bottle of Prosecco over and we have run out and need to get more. This lifestyle has been quite a bore; same routine, nothing exciting or new. I have also noticed that the aftermath of drinking makes me feel tired and lazy. I have recently learned that this 20 year old habit has been the ‘thing’ that has been holding me back in my life. The book I want to start writing- I didn’t get in till 4am- holding me back. The art class I want to show up to- I am feeling anxious- booze holding me back. Music that I need to finish writing- I can’t concentrate; too many brain cells frazzled- drinking too much has held me back. I always thought I was the one holding myself back. I thought it was some sort of emotional trigger from my childhood that was holding me back from doing the things I want to do and holding me back from my highest, most true potential self. It wasn’t me that was holding me back per say- it was the drinking and the behavioral patterns that I was establishing in my life that was holding me back.
I know all of these things about myself. And, I continue to search and learn more about myself. But, one thing that has really come to my attention are the friends that I keep, or should I say the people that I keep or have kept along my ‘party time’ journey. I have noticed a behavioural pattern in my life where most people I call family or friends are not anywhere close. And, this is no fault of their own. I thought that the people who I drink with and go out dancing with are my friends. They are not. They are ‘good time’ friends who only call when they want to go out. All my life I never released this. I don’t know why. I think when I first reflected existentially upon this idea my friends questioned me. They said that it wasn’t true.
However, if you tell someone how you feel, that they are not a friend who is there when you need them, and they walk away or turn it around back to you- your prediction is true. There are so many toxic people out there that disguise themselves as friends. And, sometimes these people come as party time shiftmakers. This has become one of the sole reasons I decided to stop drinking. I want to put out in the Universe the things I would like to attract. I want to attract more. I want to attract better. I want to attract ambition such as a reflection to my own. I want to attract a zest for life, love, art, music, travel and good food. I want to attract a higher vibration that I deserve. I was not attracting this higher vibration while sleeping with my eye mask past brunch. I want to wake up early and cease the day. I feel fantastic and have never felt so much energy. I have naturally shifted and have eaten better. Sure, I have replaced old habits with new such as the odd candy bar and coca cola. But, this too will be phased out when the timing is right. And, after all… sometimes life is all about timing.
I hope to share with you more about my journey and experiences as perhaps you might relate. I have lived a very interesting and fulfilling life and now is the time to share it with you. I am no longer wanting to Galvanize. I am so ready to Self-Actualize.
When telling people my intention of not drinking, I had such wonderful feedback. The true friendships oozed out of the cracks to introduce to me what true friendship looks and feels like. I had so many lovely people support me. So, thank you for those that have my back. I am lucky that you are in my life and I cannot wait to share my future adventures with you.